Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
