To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
