I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
