I bet he comes in French.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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