I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize