I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
