Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
