Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
