It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
