Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
