thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
