Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
