I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
