nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
