that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize