can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
