I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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