mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
