mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
