so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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