Kiss
Puke
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
high people should be assigned attendants
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
