That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
