The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
