Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
