this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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