Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
