I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
