her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
