Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize