Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
