Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
