His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
