He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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