Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
