pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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