im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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