the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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