Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
