very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
