My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
