so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
