Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
