OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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