I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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