I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
