so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i've created a new STD.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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