i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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