Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
