Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
