You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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