He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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