I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
