look no pants
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
