proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sorry my hands just texted you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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