last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
