My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
