just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
