Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
