I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
