Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
