on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
