my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
