Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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