just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
