i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need to calm my uterus...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
