We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
