I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize