My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
