So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
